Distraction, Focus, Distraction, Focus...

My biggest problem with praying my rosery is staying focused.  My mind tends to go a mile a minute sometimes.  Still, I try.  Still, I do.  I hope it's not empty.  I hope it's meaningful to God even when my mind wanders.   

Here's an example.  I started watching a reality show on Hulu called Dance Mom's last night.  It's pathetically sad, but entertaining because these moms are pieces of work.  Sadly, they should also be reported to Child Protective Services, IMHO.  It's a guilty pleasure, I guess.  I watched three episodes from Season 1, like from 2010 I believe.  Shame on me.

Anyway, while trying to pray this morning, my mind kept wandering back to the episodes I watched.  Specifically, I got a kick out of the arguements between the mom's and the instructor, the jealousy among the moms who were all trying to relive their childhoods through their own children, and it was funny watching them talk about each other behind each other's backs.  It's like putting a bunch of toddlers in a room, fighting over the favorite color Lolly Pop.

Then I caught myself.  Try to stay focused!  Mind wanders again.  I catch myself.  It's a vicious cycle.

The intention is there.  The focus is not.

Some days are better than others.  None are 100%.  This morning was very distracting.  This morning I wondered if I really need to be doing this.  Because of my lack of focus, is it simply an empty gesture?

In the book I have been reading, Christ vs. Satan in Our Everyday Lives, by Fr Robert Spitzer, he talks about this.  How the evil one distracts us.  He whispers in our ears.  Or we do something to try to get closer to God, then Satan as the Angel of Light appears, and gets us to take on more than we can chew under the premise that if one thing is good, two is better, three is even better than that.  We try to make devotions to God, and it becomes too much, causing more frustration than it's worth.  This ultimately leads to sin.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, but I know I am.  Praying the rosery daily isn't too much for me.  I'm just too much for it sometimes.  I believe it has helped me get closer to God.  I am understanding more and more about how he works and how he created the world to be.  I asked for his wisdom, and he is giving it to me.  I understand things now that I never would have otherwise.  But I'm simply not perfect.  I have to believe that the Holy Spirit is working with me too.  But he's doing it in his own time.  He lets me stray then helps to guide me back.  The evil one is simply louder, I guess.  He pulls hard, but if we keep our grip the Holy Spirit can pull harder.  It's up to you to hold on.

Even with all the distractions, I am growing in wisdom.  I'm beginning to recognize when I feel adrift.  I'm beginning to recognize when I do think those sinful, distracting thoughts about things like a beautiful woman, a dishonest opportunity, etc.  I am much further along than I was a year ago.  I am much wiser today than I was even just at the beginning of the year when I started this blog.  So, I have to be doing something right.  

Wisdom is a scary thing.  If you ask, he will give it to you.  It causes you to see what a retched soul you really are.  It puts a responsibility onto you to implement it into your life.  But when you do, then you are able to see how God works in your life, untying those knots that we cause for ourselves with our own sins.